Dear Diary;

Can a journal be too personal? In theory, journals and diaries are just for you to get your feelings out of your brain and on to paper. But won't someone else besides you read your journal eventually? Does that make sense?

I've been writing in a journal off and on since I was twelve or so. I usually do pretty good for a week or two, then forget about it for six months. Repeat this cycle for ten years and here I am. Looking back on old journals, it seems like I only write in it when I'm super angry or depressed, or dying to share something uber-personal... (Or when I'm feeling fat and want to write down new goals.) *Ahem*

If I died today and my family read my journal, I'm sure I would die all over again of embarrassment. So if my children or grandchildren of the future read my journals, will they think I'm completely off? I don't want my future fam to think that I had such a depressing, angered life. Because I don't have a depressing/angered life. Maybe I should start writing happier things, and write when I'm not in a bad mood.

But if I write for someone else to read, doesn't that defeat the purpose of a personal journal?

My last entry in my journal was on July 7th, 2009. And I ranted about how I hated cleaning. Is that really a good use of paper? Does that give an honest glimpse into my life? Not really. I don't really hate cleaning. I'm just lazy. If I weren't so lazy, I wouldn't mind cleaning so much. I was just in a bad mood that day. Anyways, this one journal entry might give the impression to future readers that I am an angry, unclean, depressed person.

Maybe I should put in my will that no one is getting anything from my estate until my old journals are burned in front of my lawyer.

Then again, those entries that are happy... I don't want those to go away. For example, my birthday: May 4, 2007. JM and I had been together for about 8 months.

"Probably the best birthday I've ever had. We didn't do anything huge. Went to Wendy's (my idea) and saw Spiderman 3. Got some late night pizza and carrot cake from Future's. Oh yeah, and I got my ring today! He picked it out all by himself, and it's so cute. (I go on for awhile about this)... But I think the main reason it was so good was that I felt so loved, so important. So #1! I can't wait to marry him! If I ever get frustrated with life, I'm just going to remember today... I will feel tons better."

It all sounds so cheesy, I know. But reading this entry does make me happy. I think maybe I should make more of an effort to write down non-venting, happy things. And not for future kids. For me. So that I can read my old journals, and have happy, cheesy, butterfly feelings in my stomach. You can never get too much of those.