When I was in junior high and high school, summers were always the time when I was determined to lose a bunch of weight and show up the next year looking H-O-T. (Also dreaming that I would shrink a bit, but knew that was extremely unlikely.) Of course, summer fun takes over, and I didn't exercise or starve myself and never ended up looking any different. So going into a new school year, my self esteem was always at it's lowest. I never looked like any of the other girls. I never looked like any of my friends. I was too big. I was too tall. I stood out too much. I was so desperate to be like everyone else, in every way possible. This made my high school years filled with anxiety and depression. Such a waste...
The problem is... I guess I wasn't meant to fit it. And that is just clicking with me now. As much as I want to conform to "the norm", I can't. I will always be taller than most men, and bigger than most women.
I'm not a sweet, petite woman whom you can carry in case of a swoon. (Not that that is a bad thing. I would love to small enough to be carried around, like in some trashy romance novel.)
I am strong. I am independent. (Should I say "I AM WOMAN!" here?)
Anyways, the point that I'm trying to make is that I am on a journey of self-acceptance here. While I am exercising and eating healthier, I am trying to accept and take care of what God has given me. He doesn't make mistakes, so He must have made me freakishly tall for a reason. He must have made me "sturdy" for a reason. I guess I have to find out the reason.
(But I wouldn't mind, if on the journey to acceptance and healthy living, I became slightly more waif-ish. I really want to swoon and be carried to safety someday.)
3 witty comment(s):
Though I am not nearly as tall as you, I did suffer many similar emotions during high school, including the big summer diet plans. I think many girls do.
Even at my thinnest, I was never petite or "waif-ish," and even then, I didn't think I looked that good. Looking back at pictures now, I think I looked fantastic. I wonder what makes it so easy to be unsatisfied with oneself?
Now, I think I've become significantly more accepting of my body and my curves. I will always have (no matter how thin) a big rib cage, enormous hips, bodacious thighs, and barely there boobs. I will always have legs that are too long to make jean shopping a simple task, and I will always have a wide, flat, and long butt, and in the head department: a tiny mouth, thin hair, lips that make a snake feel sorry for me, and a ridiculously undersized head.
But I will also always have long legs that make me look taller than I actually am (some of us don't mind looking a little taller), long calves that make for good legs in heals, long eyelashes, big, green eyes, a feminine figure, and pretty nice nice nose, a head that makes me look smaller than I really am next to my husband in pictures of only our faces (deceptive yes, but a girl's gotta take what she can get) and a husband who thinks I am sexy...and maybe a few of those waify ladies don't have any of those (or at least I like to think so...come on...I want to have something on them ;D).
We must always have some advantage over the waify girls. Always...
Thanks, Kira.
For what it is worth Bonny, I always wanted to be a 5'2 blonde. I did the blonde thing.............I looked awful. What I came to realize is that you have to appreciate you have. I have never thought of you as being freakishly tall. I have always thought you were incredibly beautiful. As far as high school....interestingly enough we had a huge discussion about this at lunch today. A bunch of old ladies came to the conclusion that no one gets out of high school unscathed. I think everyone is insecure. No one likes what they look like, and everyone compares themselves to everyone else. I like to blame it on the culture. We need to value women for more than what they look like. Good thing you were born smart huh! :-)
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